By B. Lynn Goodwin.
Recently I texted my husband, “From WIFE 22: List 5 positive things about spouse…”
I should explain that WIFE 22 is a book about a couple, who grew distant after 20 years. The book shows a middle-aged wife discovering who she is and what she wants out of life as a participant in an anonymous survey about relationships. The book and its survey fascinated me, even though my husband and I only been married 5 months, so I texted him one of the questions that I could easily lift out of context.
My silver-tongued husband wrote back, “Only 5?” I could hear his teasing voice as I read the screen.
I giggled and told him to send as many as he’d like. With his permission I’m sharing his list:
- Loving
- True
- Kind
- Giving
- Hot!
- Sweet
- Smart
- Sexy
- Sentimental
- Educated
I love his sweet attention. I love his professed attraction to me. If he sees me as “Hot!”, who am I to argue? I love his playfulness and the way he makes me giggle, even when I try not.
Why would a 62-year-old woman who’s never been married fall in love with a 67-year-old man who’s been widowed twice? I assure you that it’s the last thing I ever intended to do, but the bottom line is that my instincts, his character, and surprises like the list above all tell me to trust and love him. It’s never too late to fall in love or fall into unfamiliar territory.
One smile is worth a thousand words.
I had such a busy life before we met that I almost didn’t pursue the relationship. He wanted lots of my time and attention almost immediately. His persistent e-mails would have scared me if he hadn’t been so charming and open. He wanted to be married. I wanted an end to loneliness.
Here’s what puzzles me when I step away from his love and look at our relationship analytically: All my life I valued my independence. Why would I trade that for marriage with a two-time widower?
- As I age and my body lags, it’s better to be with someone.
- I have the good fortune to be with someone who communicates.
- I’m embracing new adventures.
- We complement each other.
- I’m no longer bored or lonely.
I know there are other reasons. Can you suggest any?
Because I had the courage to say yes and break out of my proud, independent, lonely lifestyle, I’m inspired to take new risks and merge his world with mine every day. We’re already into our second summer as a couple, and I’m enjoying the long sunlit days as I accept a way of life I’d stopped hoping for. Life is what you make it, and mine has become awesome.
.jpg){kind=avatar}
What risks have you taken recently? Send us a list, a story, or a question.
Lynn,
I’m all in favor. Where do women our age find men like your husband?
sfs
Bravo Lynn for taking a chance with love and after 60! I’m 47, never married and it terrifies me to consider losing my independence. He’s one lucky man to find you and you both make a great couple.
Shasvi, I asked my husband and he said, “If you have faith or religion at all, pray to your God or your Higher Power to bring you somebody.” He told me early on about the woman he prayed for. I’d been praying for God to show me my purpose.
I never imagined I’d marry a pastor. I think our match may be one in a million. We met on Craigslist, of all places. He posted an ad comparing himself to a classic car, and it was easy for me to respond. I may have written about it in an earlier blog. I wasn’t looking for a husband, I don’t think, though it may have been an underlying desire. He was very clear about what he wanted. Some men need to be married. His openness appealed.
Together we might come up with additional suggestions later. If so we’ll repost. Thanks so much for your question. I love it.
Lynn
Independence and love are like pieces in a puzzle, Martha. I just thought it up, but I think that works. The edges are jagged, and you have to find a way to fit them together.